New Year's Resolutions. Because planning is fun.

Last year's resolutions were a flop: I only got 37 such entries down in 2009, and sporadic ones at that. BUT. There's always something to learn from failures, isn't there? A few lessons learned:

• I can't even trust myself. Look at that glaring 'I hope...', it's exactly the kind of thing my counsellor warns me against (not that she actually warned me per se, but you get the idea). Assertiveness is going to be a key area to work on.


• Making lists is a distraction in itself. 'Oh look I ticked all these things off the list today, it's not like a day wasted, is it?' A quick flip through my diary shows precious few work related items, such as 'read ch.6', 'write up essay plan' etc. The majority are pseudo-work actions, like 'print handouts', 'get cereal', 'renew books', 'do laundry'. Granted, doing menial tasks is better than doing nothing, but they serve as iron-clad reasons to procrastinate and be glad about it. Not good.


• I am too hard on myself. Sure, all the problem is is this primal aversion to non-self-appointed work (which is devastating and renders me the ultimate oxymoron). BUT, I've come to terms with this now: it's not your fault you can't concentrate on work, stop punishing yourself, get help, relaaaaax. Like dear Phineas said, the old me 'would much rather be tragically misunderstood, wallow in self-pity, stew in their own...[juices, or whatever.]' Hello?? That is so not cool. At all. Nobody likes a whiner, even when s/he doesn't audibly whine.

That just about sums up the bad stuff. Now for the good stuff:

• I gave up printouts. It was a hard and risky step, but a wise one in retrospect. My rationale for this was that they encouraged wool-gathering in lectures ('it's all on the printout, see?') and were not very environmentally friendly. The change was for the better: in just one semester I accumulated nearly a hundred pages of notes, complete with hand drawn diagrams. Note taking keeps my mind and hands active even in the most unholy early morning lectures.


• I've gotten into the habit of checking email first thing in the morning, on my mobile phone. It prevents suspense from building up and sucking me into the internet later on in the day. I still sulk in that frustrating but blissfully hypnotic web-surfing state whenever I fail at something badly, but on the whole the situation's improved a lot. I no longer have the urge to sink into hypnosis whenever I walk into my room or open the laptop, which is great. The first step towards healing, I might add.


• I've made unbelievable progress in the music department. The last time I had lessons and regularly played the piano was perhaps 7 years ago - I'd picked it up again for about a year or two, got a Grade 2 certificate, then left it off. (It totally confirms my 'primal aversion to non-self-appointed work' theory!) With such a shoddy record of piano lessons, I'm surprised that a year into this music thing and I've shifted from merely pressing keys to turning out technically challenging (grade 4-5, FWIW), emotionally charged bits of music. Dad calls it an epiphany. All I know is that it's the best way to let out frustration (I've loads).


• Last but not least there is the 'learning styles' breakthrough, and with it the recently discovered 'primal aversion to non-self-appointed work'. 2006 was the year I really started making progress on the 'what the heck is wrong with me' project, and seeing the answer emerge bit by bit is just fascinating and empowering. 2010 will be no different of course - who knows, I might even overcome my aversion/fear of work!

It seems that smaller, well-thought-out goals take hold easier. Hence I put down this year's resolutions as such:

• 1. I shall achieve intense concentration every day. Course-related material gets priority. Lectures count, as do philosophical debates, current affairs, general reading, and dissertation preparation. But fanciful thoughts and web browsing do not.


• 2. Starting first week of the spring semester, I shall talk to lecturers during their office hours, even if I have not done the reading - and tell them about my need to overcome this aversion/fear.


• 3. Starting first week of the spring semester, I shall write a course-related blog post every weekday (not on this blog though). Writing things down really helps me make sense of them. The rules from no.1 apply.


• 4. I shall single out self-deprecating thoughts and consider whether they are necessary - if not, they will be banished.


• 5. I shall sleep at bed time every night and not worry about the consequences.


• 6. I shall check the floor for hair whenever I shower. (Even if I'll legally blind without glasses on!)


• 7. I shall not fret if this doesn't all go to plan.

Oh - and I should probably make a plaque that reads DON'T PANIC ;)

Music: theory and all

I'm back into music again. It's been heaven-knows-how-many years, but a certain piece at last year's Winter Concert got me hooked, and I've been determined to learn it ever since. Regular trips to the piano room were the first step.

It's been frustrating. Stiffness: tick. Lack of control: tick. Patchy memory of music theory: tick. Worst of all: no sheet music. All my books are at home, and it's been such a long time that I couldn't even pull off a piece without peeking at the first few bars first!

So how did I get by those first few months? If you've ever tried "picking up" a skill after a substantial amount of time, you'll know that muscle memory is your friend. That, and playing by ear. Legend has it that some people can never see the sheets and learn a piece entirely by ear...now that's talent. The best I've ever done is transcribe the melody of songs, then figure out what key they're written in and throw in some chords for good measure.

Legend also has it that people can be technically perfect at everything they attempt, but not know how to improvise. This whole "improvising" thing is darn mysterious isn't it. And alluring. I have an early memory of my first piano teacher improvising - it just took my breath away (it still does). Well that's one more thing on the wishlist I guess. But now I've got the sheets, that can wait.

I can read music without problem, but sight-singing is a whole different matter. Apparently I have zero perfect pitch, which is quite bizarre considering my tonal native language and years of musical training. Relative pitch on the other hand, is definitely my cup of tea: give me a starting note, any note, and I will transpose whole songs on the fly. It comes so naturally that I can't even practise choir parts without playing out the first few notes on the piano. Because of this lack of perfect pitch and a limited vocal range, I transpose nearly everything I sing and find it really hard to sing with standard accompaniments. Hence my disinterest in karaoke.

Afterthought: getting back into music does not mean taking the old route. I don't care if my arpeggios are unbalanced, Czerny and Hanon can go stuff themselves.

Beijing 08.08.08: The Good, The Bad, And The Weird

So the opening ceremony's over. I'm going to serve my thoughts - still free of media influence - while they're fresh. Here goes.

THE GOOD

• Choice of Date
I could really nitpick here and say that in northern parts of China people actually prefer the number 6 over 8...nah, three eights is perfect enough.
• Choice of People
No faux pas, no out-of-place celebrities, fewer-than-normal clichés...this event is surprisingly well done considering what they churn out each Chinese New Year. Dai Yuqiang might be the natural choice for the singing, but when you think of it Liu Huan actually suits Sarah Brightman (squeee!!) better in terms of style and stage presence.
• Choice of Themes
Thank the Good Lord they didn't go with the monstrosity of a performance at the 2004 Olympics! I would have died with horror! Instead they stuck to classy themes like "Four Great Inventions" and the Silk Road and Peking Opera. Wise choice, as the Chinese are already branded over with red lanterns and psychedelic floral patterns...The opening drum matrix was especially spectacular, as was the Confucius part, though slightly overdone.
• The Podium
It's a scroll!! What more can I say??
• The Cauldron
I never knew they call that thing a cauldron...anyway, this year's is beautiful, very "Chinese" and brings to mind the Xiangyun relay torch.
• Entrance Order
Probably the most confusing entrance order in Olympic history - but we loved it! Muahahahahaha. Australians must have fallen asleep waiting for their nation's entrance.
• The Much-Abused Picture
Nice trick, letting the athletes do the stamping. I wonder why it wasn't soiled?
• The Lighting
When the lights were suddenly turned off during the drum sequence, I squealed in delight. There were many other instances of lighting setting the mood nicely.
• Giant Footprints
A pleasant surprise. I was wondering why the footprints didn't have toes - technical limits? Then I caught on: we're civilized enough to wear shoes, duh. (But the technical issue was probably true.)
• Choreography
London, you're in serious trouble :D

THE BAD

• Choice of Music
Another Olympic Opening Ceremony come and gone without a memorable piece of music to take home. What a shame. I would've loved to add the song of '08 to the list of Olympic theme songs that I can recall (which currently consists of only Amigos Para Siempre and Hand in Hand). Theme songs aside, I was really disappointed by the lack of recognisable Chinese music - true, there were instances from a wide range of styles, but few classics made it: Huanghe, Liangzhu, etc. A little girl sang Ode to Our Homeland as the national flag entered, and that was all. (Yet it was the most powerful scene of the night; I almost cried)
• Structure of Events
5000 years is a lot of stuff to portray. They got their priorities right, but the progression wasn't as smooth as it could have been.
• Handling of Particular Subjects
The Peking Opera part was quite creative, but I felt it was weak compared to the other subjects. Same for the Silk Road section, it didn't really explain the scope and purpose of the Silk Road.
• Cinematography
Many details were missed: dancers on the canvas, all the historic costumes, the cauldron coming out, Li Ning's facial expression during the final lap...maybe I'm asking too much of the camera crew =)
• Fireworks
Here's an idea: save a couple fireworks, and let people commute to work next morning, no?

THE WEIRD

• The Scroll
For about like, the first half hour it seemed so novel and elegant - after that it just gets in the way. Especially with all the irrelevant video clips. What an eyesore.
• The Feitian
Perhaps it was just me, or did those (supposedly beautiful heavenly beings) look like glittery intergalactic locusts?
• The Vanishing Brush Strokes
I was thrilled at the sight of dancers swirling ink onto the giant canvas - there were stylized clouds (xiangyun) among other things - but where did those strokes go? The finished picture shows no sign of them. They were far more prettier than the final hills and sun.
• The Doves
The wing-flapping imitations were pretty lame, but the big question is: did they actually release doves or not?