Impossible to tame, dangerous to handle.
It lurks in the darkest corners of your mind, unobtrusive and good-natured, that is, until the lights go out.
It is a sly creature, with a temper of quicksilver and a wit of gold. Do not expect it to fall for the same snare twice in a row. Plan your moves
oh so carefully, or else...suffer its displeasure.
It's WAR, grasshopper, an ongoing WAR. I've fought it for over half a decade, I ought to know...back when I was a young'un...
*Cough cough* Enough melodrama.
Here's a taste of the insomnia remedies I've tried, by rough order of success:
1. Screensaver Method
I devised this one myself: as your conscious mind rages out of control, bring up random, morphing mental images in the background. Make it a point to be completely intuitive and let the images flow freely into one another (ASLs may prefer using sounds). You need to be slightly ditzy beforehand for it to work (not guaranteed).
2. Music
Either it WORKS or it fails spectacularly. I've seen my share of dead batteries.
3. Lavender
Whether it's in tea, soap, shower gel, ointment, or the darned thing itself, I've tried it. Works a treat, but only with copious amounts and in conjunction with at least two other remedies. Shame.
4. Full Body Bind
Not the HP kind, you've been warned. It's just my name for a relaxing technique that involves loosening up your every muscle from tip to toe. Takes quite a while, and may sometimes backfire and leave you perkier than before.
5. Sleep Inducing Exercises
Oh the whole bunch. The "descending/ascending the stairs" one. The "3 sights, 3 sounds, 3 senses - real then imagined" one. The "breathe all funny" one. Can't even remember their names. Takes quite a while, and may sometimes backfire and leave you perkier than before.
6. Reverse Psychology
Keep your eyes open, leave the lights on, read something challenging etc. About as useful as long-term weather forecasts.
7. Proper Psychology
Close your eyes, turn the lights off, do mentally unchallenging tasks...did I mention long-term weather forecasts?
8. Eating Healthy
Nice light meal in the early evening, cup of warm milk before bed. Makes about as much difference as the following.
9. Eating Unhealthy
Pig out on various comfort foods. Makes about as much difference as no. 8.
10. Mantra Chanting
Cold be hand and heart and bone, and cold be sleep under...wow perfect trochaic tetrameter...not.
11. Physical Exercise
If a full day of vigorous tree-chopping fails to put you to sleep, I don't see what can.
12. De-stress
The beauty of nagging thoughts is that they actually nag. You can't just put them down on paper and be done with them. That's the whole point, don't you see?
13. Counting Sheep
My record is around 420. Got fed up and did something else.
14. Drugs
Don't be tempted. It's not worth the drowsiness. Melatonin is easier on the system, but it doesn't have much effect on it either (that's probably just me).
15. Quenching Heart Fires With Kidney Waters
It's a practise found in Traditional Chinese Medicine, and simply means "focus your attention on the acupoint in the middle of your soles". I do have plenty of respect for TCM, but surely this is the biggest pile of *&^%$# if there ever was one.
